A new chapter....

It's been an interesting year. Being home in my dad's house has been a humbling experience... not to mention a heck of a learning experience as this has been the first time in my life I've actually lived with a "family". (You see... I am an only child and my folks divorced when I was young and so much of my life growing up was spent with one parent or another and I was often home alone.) Learning to share my space, dealing with the noise when I'm trying to sleep, having to exercise patience in ways that were foreign to me (i.e. sharing a bathroom)... well, needless to say, it's been an adventure.



Another leg of the adventure: my finances. It's been a struggle this year to try and get everything sorted out again. To live with no money and to learn how to manage it with small failures and even smaller successes intermingled along the way... To go from making a living doing what I love and am most passionate about in life to working for Starbucks and serving in a steakhouse.... the two definitely feel MORE than worlds apart for me. I've learned a lot about responsibility and how life isn't always pleasant, but you always have to keep going.



Spiritually. God has grown me tremendously this year. I've learned so much about patience, perseverance, trust, faith, being still and waiting on God. I've also had an amazing opportunity to be involved with the leadership of Satellite ministries at Grace Community Church. It's challenged me to live my life to a higher standard. One that sets an example, even amidst my own struggles, failures and weaknesses. Accountability of this kind, (being in front of a body of believers on a regular basis) is a blessing and a half.



Dance. In lieu of injuring my voice last year, I was forced to give it some time to rest and recuperate and in the spirit of continuing to work hard at my craft and be productive in my time at home, I devoted myself to the dance studio. In doing so I discovered a new passion and truly, one of my greatest sources of joy in this life. I've never had to work so hard to be good at anything before. In dance I struggle, I fail, I fall on my butt (literally), I commit myself, I challenge my body to do things my mind tells it it is incapable of and little by little, my successes start to outweigh my failures. I am a strong dancer now. A true triple threat in my field and feel ready to take on the world again, armed with new artillery that has been refortified and made ready for any challenge.



So now.... I've been home for a year. (Which is a year longer than I ever planned on living in Visalia again.) I am more than ready to return to the pursuit of my passions and my career as a performer. I never feel more alive than when I am on stage singing, dancing, acting.... reaching people and giving them something they can relate to. Something that can make them smile, make them laugh, make them cry, make them angry... make them feel something. Something that makes them feel as alive as I do in creating it. I understand now, that God created me the way he did with specific purpose in mind and that purpose may not be to serve him in full time ministry with my music. Though I do believe that I will continue to serve in churches is some capacity of another for the rest of my life, I believe (at least for right now) that the best way that I can glorify God is to do what I do, to do it skillfully and with conviction, and to live my life in a way that is set apart, that bears fruit and inspires people to walk a closer walk with the God who created them. Now, along with this realization comes some responsibility; I can't do what I do best here in Visalia. I need to be in Los Angeles or New York and hitting the pavement every day. I need to audition at least 5 days out of the week, to dance, to train with a voice coach, to act, to polish my chops and to stop making excuses as to why I'm afraid to. Yes, I have financial responsibilities I need to take care of, and I will. You know why? Because God provides. If he's calling me into the life I just described, He will provide a way for me to meet the needs of my financial obligations. I have the opportunity to live with my mom and step-dad down south. I can commute the 35 minutes (without traffic) into Hollywood for auditions and I can work...well, somewhere. I don't mind doing the menial job that is less satisfying if I'm in a place where I can pursue everything that is so important to me to a degree that it may actually yield some fruit from my labor.

Now is the time. Time to take action. I know what I was created for; to serve God, to worship and to perform. It's time to ownership of my life again and move forward into the next chapter. To move closer to my God and the life he has for me. It's time to stop being afraid and start living again.