The Road Less Traveled

I went hiking recently. I'm generally not much of one for hiking, mind you, but when a friend of mine invited me to come along with some friends of his on a Monday morning, I accepted. Nine AM came far earlier than I would have liked it to that day, but somehow, I managed to drag my sleepy self out of bed and into the shower. Twenty minutes later, I was in the car with my fellow adventurers heading to our destination; a remote location in the mountains of Tuolumne County called "God's Bath". We pulled over and stood at the edge of the bridge that looked over the trail we would be taking. The journey began with an approximately thirty foot drop that was so steep it required the use of a rope the local park rangers had secured to the base of a tree. I wondered what exactly I had signed up for as I took the rope in hand and proceeded to repel down the face of this small mountain. Once one the ground, things were less strenuous. A little challenging at times as most of it consisted of hopping from one rock to another along the river bank, but far more enjoyable than the type of monotonous uphill climb along a dirt path one usually associates with hiking. A mere twenty-five minutes later we reached our haven.

It didn't take me long to understand how the place had earned its name. It seemed to have its own energy; a serenity one could not help but be overtaken by as soon as they stepped onto the smooth granite surface overlooking the natural swimming hole that had been carved out over however many thousands of years by the small waterfall coming through the crevice in the rock wall. The sun had not yet made its way over the top of the cliff that shadowed our little oasis and the narrow valley seemed to intensify the breeze that blew upstream. A small rainbow was visible in the refreshing mist that rose up from the water and the clouds drifted lazily overhead against a cerulean sky. It was the perfect backdrop against which one could lie back on the rock, take a deep breath and let their every care fall away into the water below.

For the first time in a very long time, my mind seemed to slow down a bit. As I gazed upward I let the thoughts float through my head as gently and freely as the languid skyscape above. Many of the affairs that cause me constant anxiety were present in my stream of consciousness but somehow they seemed less menacing in this place. I had attained the unattainable; a moment of peace. All of the circumstances in my life remained exactly the same as I had left them at the base of the mountain, but here, I was free from the mastery they held over me. There were no interruptions from my Blackberry, no obsessions with checking my e-mail, my Facebook, my checking account balance. In their place was pure, unadulterated tranquility. I let it envelope me as I dozed off in the early afternoon sunshine that had finally made its brilliant entrance into our little corner of the sky.

I came back down the mountain feeling relaxed, refreshed and rejuvenated: three qualifiers I rarely happen upon in my stress-filled existence. It was so wonderful to have a small reprieve from the exhausting task of agonizing over every minute detail of my life over which I have no control. God's Bath has cast its intoxicating spell over me and needless to say, I plan to return to my own little piece of Eden as soon as I get the opportunity.

A Creative Type

I wonder sometimes why God saw fit to create me as a person who only seems to be passionate about things that are considered superfluous in our society. Particularly in times of economic hardship. Let's face it, musical theatre isn't exactly up there with rent and groceries on peoples' priority lists. Sometimes I wish something like nursing or accounting would light the same kind of fire under me that the arts do. It seems life would be a whole lot simpler if I could go to an office or a hospital every day, come home with my steady paycheck to my comfortable apartment, and open a can of the expensive cat food for my furball Benedick as I make myself a delicious meal of high dollar organic ingredients. Wouldn't that be loverly?

Alas, it's simply not the case. I'm one of those freaks who would much rather constantly hustle work in an industry where there are far more people than jobs available if it means I get to avoid a mind-numbing existence in a cubicle. I'm not the type to do a job in order to finance my life outside of the office. My work makes me feel alive just as much, (if not more), than my recreational activities and it brings me far more than monetary satisfaction. In fact, most times, it brings me far more satisfaction than money.

An interesting coincidence about being a so called, "creative type" is that we often need to get creative about how exactly we can generate an income that will support our lifestyle and bring us some satisfaction. This is often challenging and can be very discouraging when the answers we so desperately seek don't reveal themselves to us right away. We need to take heart in the fact that the kinds of jobs we can really sink our teeth into do actually exist and commit to doing the grunt work in seeking them out.

The question is.....where are they?

Perseverance

It's just not one of those words that makes you feel all "warm and fuzzy" inside, is it? And why should it? The definition itself suggests that if one is persevering, circumstances are perhaps, less than ideal. Let's take a look at said definition:

Persevere: to persist in anything undertaken; maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement; continue steadfastly.

Perseverance seems to almost always go hand in hand with patience in my life; another thing I'm not very good at. Having grown up in this "cyber generation" where everything is literally at our fingertips and downloads within seconds, waiting things out in "real time" has become an ongoing challenge. If we don't have results instantaneously, we feel like results aren't coming, (or at least I do). My attitudes about patience carry over even into the time I spend reading in the Word. I've been reading through the book of 2 Kings and I get so frustrated with Israel. King after king, after king comes onto the scene. Some do good in the eyes of the Lord, others do evil, but even those who do good fail to remove the high places that Jeroboam, son of Nebat put into place. (He's the guy who put up the two idols of the golden calves and lead Israel astray into worshiping them even though God explicitly instructed them not to worship any other gods or idols.) I found myself getting so frustrated as I read. Each section would talk about these kings and the things they accomplished during the time of their reign, and each and every one stated the same thing; "But they did not turn away from the sins of the house of Jeroboam, which he had caused Israel to commit; they continued in them". I kept reading in hopes that somebody would come onto the scene and finally set things right. I finished the book yesterday and alas... nobody was able to come through for me. Now I know that the entire Bible is a picture of God's ever tumultuous relationship with Israel, or Israel's ever tumultuous relationship with God, rather. You read on and they are in an endless cycle of repentance and rebellion from start to finish. We're still in that cycle as followers of Jesus Christ today. One thing that really stands out to me is how many chances God gives to the people of Israel despite their blatant disregard for His commands before he finally does deport them from their land as an act of discipline and (what I would imagine as) a means of getting their attention again. He doesn't give up on them as a people when they don't get everything right all at once. The progress they make may be minute, but he regards it as progress nonetheless and continues to show them grace and patience as they work out all the other kinks.

God demonstrates the same kind of patience with us in our lives and part of our journey as believers who are being ever transformed into the likeness of Jesus Christ is to grow in patience and other fruits of the spirit; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:21-23). Now, I don't know about you, but I certainly regard practicing patience as an act of suffering. God's word teaches us that we are to "rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." (Romans 5: 3-4).

One conclusion that I have drawn from my recent readings in Scripture is that anything that is worth having is worth waiting for. The reason God is always so patient with us as a people is because he knows the value of the relationship he has with us. Not because of anything we've done or because we are so wonderful, but simply because he loves us. We ought to take a cue from God and learn how to wait things out in our own lives from time to time. Things may not always turn out exactly the way you would like them to exactly when you would like to see the results, but the fact that the end result has not yet arrived doesn't diminish the progress that is being made every single day.

A small victory is still a victory. A baby step still brings you a little closer to the finish line than you were before you took it. Let the little things each day encourage you rather than focusing on the big thing that has not yet come to pass. Romans 12:12 tells us to "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer". Having said that, I leave you with this final piece of scripture;


" He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones." (Proverbs 2:7-8)

A world of opportunity....

It seems that God may be getting ready to open up some pretty incredible doors in my life. I'm not going to disclose too much information about this all just yet, simply because I want to be careful to ensure that my heart remains in line with God's will for me right now. I don't want to get distracted or have sharing some of this end up being confused for bragging about it, or anything like that. I will simply say this.....

An opportunity may be coming up for me very soon. An opportunity to serve in full time ministry. An opportunity to worship God through music, missions and every day service and surrender to his son Jesus Christ.

Please be praying for me in this. Monday, May 25th is the magic day. I promise, I will share more information when I feel the time is right... in the mean time... God knows all the details. :)

Answers

It's frustrating at times; looking to the Bible for answers. I say this not because I don't believe the answers the Bible contains are are valuable, on the contrary, they are precious. I say this because oft times, the answers the Bible offers are rarely the answers to the questions we have in the first place.

Just today, I was sitting at the counter with two objects in front of me. My bible and this computer. I've been in a place lately where I'm constantly searching for direction. Do I investigate the possibility of school? Of various job opportunities? Of doing something like YWAM? (for those of you who are not familiar, Youth With A Mission is a Christian organization dedicated to being and making disciples of Christ. They offer various training programs and opportunities to serve in missions all over the globe.) As I contemplated these things and more, I asked God, "What do you want me to do?" Then I started to reach for the computer to start googling through some of these different ideas. It occurred to me that it was a little silly that I would expect God to "speak" to me as I was browsing through pages and pages of the information super highway....when I had his living and active Word sitting within arms reach. So I closed the computer and opened the Bible to the book of Ephesians.

I read about Christ's power and authority. I read about how Christ chose and predestined us to share in his inheritance and the praise of his glory. I read about how we are to be excited about the promise we have in Christ. About how the Holy Spirit is a deposit guaranteeing the things that are yet to come as a result of our salvation. I read about how we are one in Christ together with all of creation which at the end times will all come together and be restored for the purpose of God's glory.

These are all good things. They are all valuable answers. They do not, however, answer the questions I have today. How I wish, sometimes, that I could open my Bible one day and have my eyes fall upon words like, "Leigh Cara, It is my will that you go back to work on a cruise ship/apply for this college/seek that job in this city...." God doesn't seem to answer in these ways though. Instead, he says to us, "Love your neighbor as yourself." "Go and make disciples of all nations." "Pray on all occasions." Just last night I read the passage of scripture that says tells us not to worry about our lives. That God knows what our needs are so we are to "Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6:33).

All of these little details in life that we fret over and spend all of our time trying to come up with solutions to are merely afterthoughts. Or at least, God's word suggests to us that they should be. Questions like "How am I going to support myself? How am I going to pay my bills and keep a roof over my head and put food on my table?" Afterthoughts. Crazy, huh?

I suppose the questions I should be asking are, "How do I make an impact for Christ and his kingdom today?" "Who around me does not know Christ and has not received his salvation?" "What is the best way for me to demonstrate Christ's love to somebody who is hurting?". I suppose that when we align our hearts with God and start to ask the right questions, we will find the answers we seek. Specific answers and instructions even, for the scenarios we will find ourselves in. Not to mention encouragement for the hardships we will inevitably endure as we step into our role as the "hands and feet" of Christ and really take ownership of our responsibility to step up and answer his call to serve him and others.

I have so much to learn about what it means to die unto myself in order to have life through Christ...

At what point did life tell us it was okay to stop dreaming?

It seems that the older we get, the more practical we are encouraged to be. This is not necessarily a bad thing. Practicality has its place. We all have bills to pay and need money for food, clothing, shelter, etc.... Somewhere along the way though, we learned that once you've got your basic needs met, that's all you need to concern yourself with. If you've got the job that affords you the comfortable existence, you're free to let your dreams evaporate.



This is such a dangerous mindset for the human heart. We're created as dreamers. When we're kids we wile the hours away playing make-believe. We have lofty aspirations of being doctors, lawyers, inventors, rock-stars. As we get older, dreaming becomes more difficult. Questions start to come up; How will you pay for your education? Will you even be accepted into a reputable school's program? How do you even know which schools are reputable? Or, if you're like me, the questions are more along the lines of; How will you get in front of the right record producers? Will they even like your music? With so many people trying to do the same thing, what sets you apart? Once these questions start, discouragement sets in. Life tells you to start coming up with a "Plan B" because there is something about our ability to dream, (and dream BIG) that begins to feel like it was better left in our childhood. We decide these lofty aspirations are juvenile like the place they originated from and leave them behind us as we adopt a more "adult" way of thinking.

This saddens my heart deeply. I caught myself falling victim to this same trap just this morning. It all started from a place of practical responsibility. I recognized that even as I am pursuing my dreams as a songwriter/artist, etc, I need to do something to make ends meet in the interim. While waiting tables is decent enough money, it's not exactly what's I'd call "fulfilling". The one thing I could imagine myself doing "for a living" as I pursue my bigger dreams is being involved in the fitness industry somehow be it a pilates instructor, personal trainer or what have you. From there my thought process looked something like this;

I don't want to go to college just for the sake of going to college. If I'm going to commit to furthering my education, I want it to be in something I'm passionate about and something that will actually contribute directly to what I will do in the future. Rather than finishing my degree in a program that isn't quite what I want to study, I could complete the necessary coursework/certification to become a pilates instructor or personal trainer. Then I could be doing something I enjoy as I continue to pursue my aspirations as a song-writer.

That was where it ended. You may be confused. You may ask, "What's the problem with what you just said? Isn't that an ideal solution for everything you've been talking about thus far?" Wrong. The problem is; it ended with my aspirations as a songwriter. That was as far as I got...


After I spend some time thinking and journaling about this today, I turned on Taylor Swift's album "Fearless". (Bear with me here...) As soon as the music started to play, I broke down into tears. I told God, "I don't want to pretend that I want to be anything less than what I really want to be". You see, my dream has ALWAYS been to be a professional recording artist. Being a songwriter is a part of that, and it may be an essential part of the journey to getting there eventually, but it's not the end of the road for me. In my practical thinking this morning, that was where my dream stopped. Practicality replaced the genuine desires of my heart. The desires that have been written on my heart for as long as I can remember.

Friends.... We cannot let the fact that we are growing up give us an excuse to grow out of our dreams. The very essence of who we are is contained at the heart of these desires we became aware of so long ago. They are a part of what makes us who we are. Please, do not sacrifice yourself in the name of being a practical adult. It's not worth it. I would hate to arrive at the end of my life and have "I was provided for" be all I had to say for it. I realize, there is more to life than our vocational aspirations. There is service to God and relationships with our loved ones which in the end are far more important than any selfish ambition we may have for ourselves. We cannot, however, deny such a central part of ourselves.

If you have dreams, pray....and find ways to make them into your reality.

Brokenness

We are all so deeply broken....  Most of us don't even realize the extent of our own brokenness.    Because we don't realize just how damaged and lost we are, we don't know just how desperately we need Jesus.  We don't realize just how precious the gift of his sacrifice for us was, is, and is to come.  

I know, I know.... seems kinda heavy as the opening of a blog, right?  This morning I had the privilege of attending church with an incredible community of followers of Jesus Christ at Reality LA in Hollywood.  Now I know you've heard people talk about how great their churches are before, "the music" this, or "the message" that...  This is a place where God is moving.  The community there is actively seeking Jesus Christ.  The congregation cries out to God in worship with every ounce of their bodies, minds and spirits every time I've attended.  It is an atmosphere of reverence for God and intimacy with Jesus.  The Holy Spirit is so thick among this body.  The Pastor, Tim Chaddick is such a blessing in his honesty, authenticity and passion for the gospel and for Jesus Christ.  There is no pretense whatsoever about this man.  He is never afraid to preach truth, no matter how uncomfortable it may make people.  For example; today he preached about "Sexual Brokenness".   

"Woah, woah, woah...back the truck up", you may say, "he talked about SEX in CHURCH?!?".  

Yes, my friend.  Yes he did.  I came into the middle of a 3 week series on Sex.  In fact, if you feel so compelled I encourage you to follow this link to last week's sermon, "God's Design for Sex" at  http://www.realityla.com/#sermons.  

But I digress....

After he preached about how broken we all are, be it due to sexual sin or otherwise, he talked about the process of Sanctification.  He explained that what Sanctification means is "as a result of justification, you are now on a trajectory toward glory with God" which means, there is direction you are heading as a result of what Jesus has already done.  He talked about repentance and how it is to be a lifestyle because God is in the process of remaking you.    He talked about 3 things you discover during the process of Sanctification:

1. the DEPTH of sin in our lives.  Specifically linked to sexual sin, he said that behind every sexual struggle is a deeper issue.  Maybe you're angry with God and acting out as a means of rebellion.  Maybe you have a sense of entitlement because you've lived a certain way and maintained a certain level of purity and God hasn't delivered what you feel you deserve (i.e. a spouse or what have you).  Maybe your struggle points to a dissatisfaction with God....  Deep inside of yourself you don't truly believe that Jesus is all that you need...

That is the one that hit me right between the eyes.  It's true.  I don't trust Jesus to be my everything.  I don't trust Jesus to satisfy me completely.  I trust Jesus to satisfy me if he brings me the career that I want and a husband and family living in the city that I want to live in and if I accomplish all the things I want to accomplish....   but I don't trust him entirely to give me what's best for me because I am so convinced that I know what is best for me.  

Another thing that you discover in Sanctification:

2.  The DEPTH of your need for Jesus.  

  You ever notice how impossible it is to convince somebody of  a need they don't think they have?  The deeper we grow in our relationships with Christ, the more he reveals to us about what needs to change in us.  And the more we realize just how hopeless we are without him, which brings me to the 3rd discovery we make in this process;

3.  the DEPTH of joy we have in Christ.

I think of the woman in Luke 7:36-50 who washes Jesus feet with a jar of perfume and wipes them off with the hair on her head.  This woman knew what kind of depravity she was living in and so she was so grateful to Jesus for his forgiveness and direction.  Those who are forgiven of much love much.  The more that Jesus reveals to us about just how lost we are without him, the more we rejoice in who he is and what he's done for us.  And the more we cling to him and become like him, the closer we move toward our future glory with Christ in Heaven which God is restoring us to even now.  

Heavy stuff...I know.   But it's SUCH good news!!!  Yesterday actually marked 11 years for me as a Christian.  God is really starting to challenge me and grow me deeper in my walk with him.  I am learning more and more about who Jesus is and how much he loves me and all of us with every passing day.  I realize now that NOTHING will ever satisfy the way he will.  I will be searching forever if I try to find something else to take the place of Jesus Christ in my life.  

The most wonderful discovery I've made is this;  because of Jesus presence in my life, I already have everything I need.  Granted, that's the hardest one to remember sometimes, especially when things aren't going the way I want them to, but I'm choosing to trust God and his will for me rather than keep trying to do things my own way.  I pray that every desire I have for me that is not of God will fall away and will be replaced with Jesus Christ and everything he wants to do in and through me.  Please pray for me.  I need it!

A new chapter....

It's been an interesting year. Being home in my dad's house has been a humbling experience... not to mention a heck of a learning experience as this has been the first time in my life I've actually lived with a "family". (You see... I am an only child and my folks divorced when I was young and so much of my life growing up was spent with one parent or another and I was often home alone.) Learning to share my space, dealing with the noise when I'm trying to sleep, having to exercise patience in ways that were foreign to me (i.e. sharing a bathroom)... well, needless to say, it's been an adventure.



Another leg of the adventure: my finances. It's been a struggle this year to try and get everything sorted out again. To live with no money and to learn how to manage it with small failures and even smaller successes intermingled along the way... To go from making a living doing what I love and am most passionate about in life to working for Starbucks and serving in a steakhouse.... the two definitely feel MORE than worlds apart for me. I've learned a lot about responsibility and how life isn't always pleasant, but you always have to keep going.



Spiritually. God has grown me tremendously this year. I've learned so much about patience, perseverance, trust, faith, being still and waiting on God. I've also had an amazing opportunity to be involved with the leadership of Satellite ministries at Grace Community Church. It's challenged me to live my life to a higher standard. One that sets an example, even amidst my own struggles, failures and weaknesses. Accountability of this kind, (being in front of a body of believers on a regular basis) is a blessing and a half.



Dance. In lieu of injuring my voice last year, I was forced to give it some time to rest and recuperate and in the spirit of continuing to work hard at my craft and be productive in my time at home, I devoted myself to the dance studio. In doing so I discovered a new passion and truly, one of my greatest sources of joy in this life. I've never had to work so hard to be good at anything before. In dance I struggle, I fail, I fall on my butt (literally), I commit myself, I challenge my body to do things my mind tells it it is incapable of and little by little, my successes start to outweigh my failures. I am a strong dancer now. A true triple threat in my field and feel ready to take on the world again, armed with new artillery that has been refortified and made ready for any challenge.



So now.... I've been home for a year. (Which is a year longer than I ever planned on living in Visalia again.) I am more than ready to return to the pursuit of my passions and my career as a performer. I never feel more alive than when I am on stage singing, dancing, acting.... reaching people and giving them something they can relate to. Something that can make them smile, make them laugh, make them cry, make them angry... make them feel something. Something that makes them feel as alive as I do in creating it. I understand now, that God created me the way he did with specific purpose in mind and that purpose may not be to serve him in full time ministry with my music. Though I do believe that I will continue to serve in churches is some capacity of another for the rest of my life, I believe (at least for right now) that the best way that I can glorify God is to do what I do, to do it skillfully and with conviction, and to live my life in a way that is set apart, that bears fruit and inspires people to walk a closer walk with the God who created them. Now, along with this realization comes some responsibility; I can't do what I do best here in Visalia. I need to be in Los Angeles or New York and hitting the pavement every day. I need to audition at least 5 days out of the week, to dance, to train with a voice coach, to act, to polish my chops and to stop making excuses as to why I'm afraid to. Yes, I have financial responsibilities I need to take care of, and I will. You know why? Because God provides. If he's calling me into the life I just described, He will provide a way for me to meet the needs of my financial obligations. I have the opportunity to live with my mom and step-dad down south. I can commute the 35 minutes (without traffic) into Hollywood for auditions and I can work...well, somewhere. I don't mind doing the menial job that is less satisfying if I'm in a place where I can pursue everything that is so important to me to a degree that it may actually yield some fruit from my labor.

Now is the time. Time to take action. I know what I was created for; to serve God, to worship and to perform. It's time to ownership of my life again and move forward into the next chapter. To move closer to my God and the life he has for me. It's time to stop being afraid and start living again.